


Bang Marry Kill

by zebraljb



Category: NSYNC
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-27
Updated: 2013-08-27
Packaged: 2017-12-24 19:51:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/943978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zebraljb/pseuds/zebraljb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on what is apparently a true story...someone called into Lance's radio show while playing "Bang, Marry or Kill" and asked Lance who he would choose if given the options of JC, Joey and Justin.  </p>
<p>What follows in this story is fiction, but it could happen!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bang Marry Kill

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pensnest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pensnest/gifts).



“Anything you want, Lance,” the voice cooed in his ear.

Lance moaned and writhed on the sheets. “Anything?”

“Anything.” A hand moved across his fevered brow.

“So hot…” Lance murmured. “I can’t move.”

“I know,” the voice whispered.

“What the hell is that?” Lance asked as an annoying buzzing started near his left ear. “Hello? Hello?” Lance called out, struggling against his sheets.

 

Lance’s eyes fluttered open as he realized he was wrapped tightly in his sheets, his feverish sweaty body clinging to the fabric. His cellphone was angrily buzzing on the nightstand. He groaned again and managed to untangle himself without dislocating his shoulder. “Hello?”

“Lance! How are ya?”

Lance sighed, cursing himself for not checking the caller ID. Only a serious bout of the flu would make him do that. “Hello, Joey. I feel like shit, thanks for asking.”

“But your voice is so sexy when you’re sick,” Joey said sweetly. “I’d do you.”

“No you wouldn’t,” Lance retorted with a hacking cough. “I’ve tried.”

“You didn’t try,” Joey replied. “Because I…”

“…never would have said yes,” Lance interrupted. “We’ve had this conversation how many times?”

“Many many times,” Joey said cheerfully. “So you’re sick. Not working.”

“Obviously.” Lance slowly sat up and rubbed at his hair. “Joey, are YOU sick? You’re kinda making no sense.”

“Just double checking. I caught your show today.”

“I thought you caught it every day!”

“Every day I can,” Joey promised. “But apparently today was a rerun?”

“Duh, Joey, I’m home in bed. Is this conversation going somewhere, because not only do I have to use the bathroom, but I was in the middle of a very hot fever-induced dream.”

“Thanks for that information,” Joey said wryly. “Do you get to choose what reruns they use?”

“I trust my team,” Lance said, but he slowly was wondering if that was a good idea, if this conversation was any indication. “Why?”

“Oh, it was amusing, that’s all,” Joey said. “I just want you to know that I love you, too, man.”

“Joey…” Lance growled.

“First of all, I’m glad you like my cooking. I always knew my omelets were to die for. And as for living with me, well, it takes a special kind of person to put up with me full-time. I know that. But, unfortunately, Lance…I’m already married.”

“I know all this, Joey, I…” Lance hid his face in his pillow. “Oh, no. Bang Marry Kill?”

“Yep!” Joey laughed and Lance wanted to poke him in the eye. “You might want to turn your phone off, because between Chris being ignored and Justin dying at your hand…I’m assuming it might be blowing up anytime now. I’m not sure HOW I missed this show the first time.”

“Fuck off, Joey.” Lance hung up and buried his head under his pillow.

 

“And here’s Jon with my Mom…” Justin pulled his finger across the screen of his Tablet. “And me and Jon…and…”

“WHY did you have to actually ASK to see these pictures, JC?” Chris groaned, letting his head fall back against his chair.

JC took the opportunity to steal one of Chris’ dumplings. “Because I really wanted to see them.”

“But you KNOW him. Above and beyond the five hundred million photos plastered all over the internet, you know he had about eighteen of his nearest and dearest friends snapping every picture they could get.” Chris opened his eyes and looked down at his plate of dumplings. He quickly counted with his chopsticks. “Hey! I had eight of these!”

JC smiled around the mouthful of Chinese food. “I like dumplings.”

“Okay, really, y’all? Back to the matter at hand.” Justin leaned forward again. “Now we get to the reception.”

“You know, you COULD have just invited us,” Chris pointed out. 

“Don’t even go there,” Justin warned him. “If I remember correctly, you all were like, “oh, we don’t want to be involved in all that drama.” “Oh, you won’t even know we’re there.” Whatever.”

“I had a good excuse,” JC protested. “My brother’s wedding.”

“Yes. JC had a good excuse.” Justin glared at Chris.

“And we ended up involved in more drama than we’d planned on, since everyone wanted to know if we weren’t invited, or we WERE invited and were just blowing you off,” Chris pointed out. “I’m still mad at you. I’m only here because JC said you were getting Chinese food from the GOOD restaurant.”

“You’re only here because JC kissed up to me to make sure I wasn’t mad at YOU,” Justin retorted. They both looked at JC, who smiled happily as he stole yet another of Chris’ dumplings.

“Knock it off, asshole!” Chris snapped. He grabbed the remote from the island in the middle of Justin’s kitchen. “Okay, how do we turn this stupid thing on? It’s time for Lance’s show. I’m sure you have satellite in here, right?”

“Of course,” Justin said, almost insulted. “Give me that.” He swiped the remote from Chris and turned on the sophisticated music system.

“Thank you,” Chris said politely. “I never seem to be around a radio when it’s time for him to come on.”

“It’s good for a laugh,” Justin said. He poked JC in the arm. “Don’t get Chinese food on my Tablet!”

“Can’t this wait until after we’re done eating?” JC finally protested. Chris grinned.

“I…fine.” Justin sat back, pouting. 

“Some things never change,” Chris said, shaking his head fondly.

“Hey, y’all, this is Lance…sorry to tell you I’m not in the studio today.” The familiar bass voice boomed through the kitchen, sounding a bit lower than usual. “Instead of a live show, I’ve allowed the staff to choose a rerun…hope you enjoy it.”

“Wonder what’s up?” Justin mused.

JC raised an eyebrow. “He’s obviously sick, Justin.”

“Or hungover,” Chris suggested. “Or maybe he was up late last night making sweet love to his new boytoy.” He leaned back in his chair, cautiously balancing it on two legs.

“NEW boytoy?” Justin asked, confused. “I thought he was still with whatshisname…”

“Michael,” JC supplied. “They broke up maybe a month ago, I think.”

“Oh. Too bad.” Justin sighed dismissively and took a pull on his beer. JC rolled his eyes as Chris turned up the volume with the remote.

“I really do hate this game,” Lance said with a laugh. “But anyway…next caller. Gimme your Bang Marry Kill list.”

“Love your show, Lance,” a girl said. “I gotta ask…Justin Timberlake, Joey Fatone, JC Chasez.”

Justin choked on his beer. Chris let his chair fall back down with a thud. “Damn,” JC whispered.

“Gosh, I KNEW someone would ask this,” Lance said with a nervous chuckle. “This can only get me into trouble…” He paused, and a few of the other members of his crew jeered and laughed. “Okay, okay. So, marry…that’s the easy one. Joey. I mean, he’s my best friend. I’m godfather to his daughter. Also, he’s one helluva cook. Never say no to that. And we shared a bus FOREVER. We’ve already lived together…can do that dance around a tiny space and all that. Definitely marry Joey.”

“I’d NEVER marry Joey,” Chris commented. “He’s a slob.”

JC snorted. “You have room to talk.”

“I thought he’d marry you,” Justin said. “You’re so laid back.”

JC blushed and said nothing. “Bang and kill?” The caller persisted.

Lance sighed. “Look…I wouldn’t kill JC or Justin, they are my brothers…but I’ve seen them both naked…and I have to say bang JC, because he’s PACKING. So that leaves Justin to kill.”

JC spit pork fried rice all over the table. Justin’s mouth fell open. “Size queen!” Was the response from one of Lance’s cohorts.

“No!” Lance quickly protested. “JC has dark hair…I LIKE dark hair.”

“Whatever,” a sly voice added. “You are SUCH a size queen.”

“C’mon, guys!” Lance said weakly, and everyone on the show cracked up.

JC quickly reached over, grabbed the remote, and figured out how to turn off the radio. They looked at each other. “Well…” JC said finally.

Chris burst out laughing until tears were running down his face. “Oh…oh man…”

“Shut up, Chris.” Justin crossed his arms over his chest and pouted. “I can understand him not wanting to marry me. I mean, hell, I can’t believe JESS married me. But he’d rather kill me than bang me?”

“No…” Chris said, attempting to get a hold of himself. “He’d rather kill you than kill JC. Or maybe just rather bang JC than bang you. Yeah, that’s it.”

“Do we need to talk about this?” JC said softly.

Chris took one look at JC and started laughing again. “I’m not even offended that the chick didn’t suggest me. This is the best day EVER.” He wiped at his eyes.

“I’m really good in bed. He doesn’t even KNOW,” Justin continued, as if the others hadn’t spoken.

“Justin, I love the fact that you are completely offended that your gay friend doesn’t want to have sex with you,” Chris whimpered, holding his sides. He took a few deep breaths. “And YOU.” He pointed at JC. “I’ve never spent a WHOLE lot of time looking at your package, but apparently if you were gonna give YOUR dick in a box, you’d need a fairly large box.”

“Shut up,” JC and Justin said together.

“He was just…being nice?” JC suggested.

“You’re pathetic,” Chris said, shaking his head. “I KNEW the Bass had it bad for you. I just didn’t realize it had lasted this long.”

“What?” Justin gasped.

“Shut up,” JC said again, although he didn’t sound as convicted.

“Oh, c’mon, Justin, you must’ve seen…” Chris shook his head again. “Nope, never mind. You WOULDN’T have seen it, because it didn’t immediately concern you.”

“Hey!” Justin protested.

“I’m sorry, but Teenage Justin was a little self-centered,” Chris pointed out.

“As was In-His-Twenties-Justin,” JC muttered, and Justin glared at him.

“As I was saying,” Chris continued. “I believe the kid’s always had a bit of a crush on you, JC. Little did I know that it continued to this day. His daydreams went from you and he holding hands on a moonlit beach to him having wild monkey sex with your…”

“STOP.” JC held up his hand. “Enough.” He threw down his chopsticks and stood. “Justin, thanks for dinner. Chris…” JC shook his head. “I’ll see you guys later.”

“C’mon, JC, don’t get mad,” Chris said, trying not to smile. “I think it’s cute…Lance just told the international listening audience that he has a thing for your thing.”

“GoodBYE,” JC muttered, storming out of the kitchen. Even Justin had to grin.

 

ONE WEEK LATER

Lance probably should have expected SOME sort of backlash from the whole thing, but he really didn’t give it another thought. Of course JOEY listened to his show. Joey was his best friend. Joey was the one who had listened to him rant for a half-hour about Michael’s indiscretions and betrayal, and then called back ten minutes later to listen to Lance cry for an hour over how much he missed him.

But Lance definitely didn’t expect things to get as interesting as they did, as quickly as they did. He was in his home gym, singing along to Lady Gaga and running on the treadmill, when he heard his doorbell. He grabbed his towel, wiping at his face as he sang, “I’m on the right track, baby, I was born this way…” He trotted down the hall and opened the door. “Yes?”

“Delivery for Mister Bass?” The delivery man pronounced his last name “Base.” 

“Yes,” Lance said, sighing. 

“Here you go.” The man handed over an incredibly large floral arrangement, except the flowers were made of fruit.

“Um, thank you.” Lance closed the door and started back down the hall. He smiled at the petals of pineapple and the leaves of cantaloupe and honeydew. He set the large pot on his kitchen table, grabbed a grape and popped it in his mouth before opening the card. 

“Lance, thank you so much for the best laugh I’ve had in ages. If you could have seen Justin and JC’s faces. Priceless. I need to listen to your show more often. Talk to you soon – Chris.”

The grape almost popped back out of Lance’s mouth. He stared into space, still holding onto the card. So they’d heard it. Chris…Justin…JC. They’d heard that, TOGETHER. Lance swallowed hard. While he’d moved on from being the naïve, trusting, easily-hurt teenager they’d met so many years ago, deep down, the opinions of the “big boys,” as well as their front man, still mattered to him.

And if Chris was this amused, it wasn’t a good sign.

 

Lance tried to push the issue out of his head. After all, it was a silly game. And it had originally aired MONTHS ago. It wasn’t like it was a big deal. They’d forget about it. He’d forget about it.

At least he TRIED to forget about it. It was difficult when he kept getting random texts and emails from Chris, who, in true Chris fashion, was completely unable to let the thing drop. He kept asking Lance about when he’d exactly done this detailed investigation into the size of JC’s package, and where was Chris at the time, and if he was checking out JUSTIN’S package, there must have been some sort of underage sexual activity going on that he, Chris, really didn’t want to know about.

“For God’s sake, STOP TALKING ABOUT IT!” Lance thundered when he finally gave in and called Chris. “I mean, seriously. I think you have a complex.”

“ME?” Chris squeaked.

“Yes, you. You’re obsessed with the genitalia of your ex-bandmates.”

Chris’ laugh shot out like a machine gun. “No, I’m not. YOU are.”

“I’m not obsessed!” Lance’s voice rose dangerously into at least baritone range, if not low tenor. “I swear, you’ve been spending every waking moment finding new ways to describe JC’s dick, Chris.”

“Like I needed to describe it to you. You seem to know alllll about it.”

“Chris, don’t you have something you should be doing? Why do you have all this free time to aggravate me?” Lance moaned.

“Because I miss doing it. It’s been a while since I had a reason.”

“Bye, Chris.”

Lance frowned as he hung up the phone. At the time, the idea was so simple, and silly, and he hadn’t given it much thought. Of COURSE he’d choose to bang JC. Who wouldn’t? He’d been thinking about banging JC pretty much since he’d met him. Of course, since that time, he’d also thought about dating JC, waking up next to JC, and moving in with JC. THAT had started back around the age of twenty, when they were the biggest thing in show business, and Lance could have anything he wanted except to come out of the closet. 

 

Justin’s response consisted of one very long, rambling, and more than likely alcohol induced voicemail that stretched over three calls because he kept getting cut off. 

“Listen, Lance, it’s me, I mean, Justin. But I guess you knew that. Anyway, just wanted you to know that I listened to your show. I mean, I TRY to listen more often, but, you know how it is. Yeah. So, I heard that you don’t want to marry me, and that’s okay, because, you know, I’m married already, like to a girl, so, yeah. Sorry. And I’m hell to live with. But you know that. So, I gotta say, I’m a little insulted that you want to kill me. Not that I think you’re waiting in my closet with a machete or anything, but c’mon, man. I thought we were like brothers, you know? You even said so. And even though I kissed JC that one time when I was fourteen, I’m not like gay or anything…not that being gay is bad, because, you know, I’m a rainbow-supporter all the way, dude, but I kissed him one time. Anyway, um, what…yeah. I still don’t know why you wouldn’t want to bang me, because I’m really good in bed. Ask anyone. Except maybe Alyssa Milano, because we just didn’t mesh or something. But don’t tell anyone that. You should have killed JC. Not that anyone should kill JC, because he’s damn awesome, but yeah. Really? You’d rather fuck JC than me? Whatever. I’m over it. Call me the next time you’re around. Bye.”

 

Two weeks later, Lance was sure everything had blown over. He hadn’t heard from JC, but really, what was he expecting? He knew it could go one of two ways. One scenario was that JC would call him and yell at him, asking him who he thought he was, advertising the size of his manhood all over the airwaves. Lance was very glad it hadn’t gone that way, as he was fairly certain he wouldn’t enjoy JC screaming at him. JC didn’t get mad often, but when he did, he was very good at it. OR, per scenario two, JC would call and be all sweet and nice, saying how cute it was that Lance had even considered JC’s naked body, and that JC was grateful, but it wasn’t in the cards for them. Lance had heard almost that very conversation years before, when a very young Justin had planted a kiss on JC’s lips before JC could stop him. Lance hadn’t SEEN the whole thing go down, since at the time they were in Justin’s mom’s living room and Lance was returning from the bathroom, but he’d heard the entire thing.

So it was an understatement to say that Lance was completely and utterly dumbfounded to come home at one-thirty in the morning to find JC sleeping on his front porch, leaning against his door. Lance had been in a pretty bad mood, having just completed one of the worst blind dates in history. The guy was a friend of a friend, and they’d had NOTHING in common. He’d been shaking his head, wondering WHAT in the world his friend had been thinking, and telling himself that he was in no way ready to date. He was pretty much stomping up his sidewalk when he skidded to a stop, catching sight of a snoring JC in the light of his porch.

Lance stood and stared at him for a moment. He had often daydreamed of JC banging on his door, calling for Lance to open up and let JC in, that JC had finally come to his senses. His daydreams had never included JC fast asleep on his porch. Lance finally knelt down and gently shook JC’s shoulder. “Hey. JC. Hey, man.”

“Hmmm?” JC rolled his neck a bit, blinking owlishly. “Hey, man!”

“Let me help you up.” Lance took JC’s elbow and helped him stand.

“Bet you’re surprised to see me here,” JC said with a grin.

“Well, yeah,” Lance admitted, unlocking his door. “C’mon in. You should have called and let me know you were coming.”

JC followed Lance down the hall to the kitchen. “Well, I wasn’t sure if I was coming, and then I didn’t want to intrude.”

“You would NOT have been intruding,” Lance promised. “I just finished one of the most awkward, ridiculous dates I’ve ever been on.”

“Oh, so you’re, uh, dating again?” JC sat down at Lance’s table.

“Yes. No. I don’t know.” Lance shook his head as he went to the fridge and got them each a bottle of water. “I thought I wanted to, and maybe I do, but not with THIS guy. He was a total freak, JC, and that’s saying a lot. I mean, I lived with you and Chris. I know what freaks look like.”

“Thanks,” JC said, rolling his eyes. 

“I know I probably have pretty high expectations…I think if you’re in the public eye at all, you have to. But this guy…” Lance shook his head again.

“So…tell me about these expectations.” JC stared at him.

Lance swallowed hard. “I feel like I’m talking to a shrink.”

“Tell me about your mother,” JC said in a horrible German accent.

Lance laughed and relaxed a bit. “I think we both know my mother is NOT a topic of normal conversation.” He sighed. “I want someone that isn’t going to expect the world from me, that realizes I’m just a human being. I’m not some poster child for gay celebrities. I’m not some boyband has-been. Yes, I have some money, but I worked my ass off for it, you know?”

“What you SHOULD do is find someone who knew you BEFORE you were a gay celebrity,” JC said softly. “Someone who knew you when you were just a geeky kid from Mississippi.”

“I’m still that geeky kid,” Lance replied, trying to figure out what was going on.

“Hardly,” JC snorted, twirling his bottle in his hands.

“So, not that I am unhappy to find you asleep on my front porch, but why exactly are you here, JC?” Lance finally sat down across from JC.

“I don’t know,” JC said, and Lance stared at him. “I mean, I know, I know the reason I got in my car and drove over here and all that. I just don’t know WHY.”

“Um…”

“Sorry. I know WHY. I guess I’m trying to figure out the how.”

Lance tried not to sigh with frustration. He took a long swallow from his bottle of water and tried to give JC an encouraging smile. “Okay.” He should have remembered that getting a straight answer from JC was occasionally like trying to pull a sore tooth from a great white shark’s mouth.

“I guess it all started with your radio show,” JC said finally. “We were at Justin’s one day, me and Chris, and we turned your show on. It was the day you were out and they played that repeat?”

“Jesus,” Lance moaned. Here it came. Either JC would tear him a new one, or let him down sweetly and gently.

“So, obviously, it was kinda funny. If you could have seen Justin’s face.” JC smiled and shook his head. “He was really offended, but I’m not sure if it was because you wanted to kill him or because you didn’t want to sleep with him. Chris thought it was the funniest thing ever.”

“Of COURSE he did,” Lance muttered. He finally met JC’s blue gaze. “And…how about you? What did you think?” Lance held his breath and prayed.

“Well, I was pretty shocked, and then, well, I was upset.”

“I figured,” Lance said almost sadly.

“No, see, I wasn’t upset because you talked about my dick or whatever. That was very nice of you, and completely flattering.” JC reached over and patted Lance’s hand, which was pretty much one of the things Lance had expected to happen. “But then Chris decided to let the Bass out of the bag, if you will, and mentioned that you might have had a thing for me at one time.”

Lance felt all the blood drain from his face, although he did his best to keep his cool. “Oh…he did, did he?” 

“Yes. And then I sorta bolted out the door, because he was being a jerk, so I didn’t get more of the story.”

“Oh, okay.” Lance was torn between being grateful for Chris’ ability to annoy anyone he met within ten minutes of being around them, and wondering just how much Chris had noticed back when Lance was trying so very hard to hide things. 

“So, I called him.” 

Lance inwardly groaned. “Oh.”

“And he explained that I was pretty freaking blind back in the day,” JC gave Lance a beaming smile. “I mean, my mind was on the music, and trying to get us accepted as something more than a boyband and all, but apparently I was pretty clueless.” Lance mutely nodded. “Of course, first of all, I didn’t know you were interested in ANY guy. And then I didn’t know I had a chance, you know. But then you were apparently checking me out in more than a friendly way, and Chris said you had a thing, and here we are.” JC sat back with a satisfied smile on his face.

“Um, where are we, exactly?” Lance asked.

“Oh, well, yeah.” JC ran a hand across his forehead, satisfied smile fading. “That’s what I don’t really know. At first I was all, YES, he likes me, and I mentally ran around like a high school girl for ten minutes. But then I was all, well, that was years ago, he’s grown and matured and had tons of guys and…”

“I woudn’t say TONS,” Lance interrupted, but JC ignored him.

“And I thought maybe you weren’t interested anymore. I mean, you can think someone’s hot, and dig their package, or whatever, and it’s just a sexual thing. So I thought, hey, I wouldn’t mind getting with Lance like that.”

“Oh.” Lance’s own package jumped a bit at that thought.

“But then I realized I don’t just want that. I don’t want me to come over here, and us have sex, and then be all weird tomorrow.”

“Wouldn’t want this to be weird,” Lance muttered.

“I realized that all along you’ve been right there, you know, so smart and sexy and great and everything. So, I guess…” JC took a deep breath. “Are you still interested, Lance? Not just in the physical whatever.” JC waved a hand around. “Are you interested in me?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Lance asked in astonishment. “JC, I never would have ever approached you, because I didn’t think you were available to be approached. You’re a good friend, one of my best friends. I know you fool around with guys now and then and everything, but I wasn’t sure how seriously you took that. And I didn’t want to ruin our friendship by sending out the wrong signals.” Lance swallowed hard. “I always thought you were talented and hot and funny and nice and amazing…and you’re still that same person.”

“Oh.” JC slowly smiled, the beautiful grin that Lance had always loved. “Well, I’m sorry I didn’t notice it back then, but maybe it wasn’t the right time.”

“It definitely wasn’t,” Lance agreed. “I was so clueless and stupid, and so far in the closet I had to fight for years to find the door.”

JC laughed. “I don’t know about that.”

“So…um, now what?” Lance fidgeted in his chair. 

“Now I go home.” JC stood up so quickly that Lance almost fell off his chair. “Because you need to sleep and I probably should sleep. And I’ll come back around seven and we’ll go for dinner, okay?”

Lance stood as well, his knees actually quivering. “Okay.”

“Okay.” JC walked over and put his hands on Lance’s shoulders before giving him a slow, tender kiss. “And next time, Lance, if you want me to know you’re into me…you don’t have to announce it on the radio.”

THE END


End file.
